The Problem We Remember Is Not Always The Real Problem

An Interesting Aspect Of How Memory Works

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The Problem We Remember Is Not Always The Real Problem

An Interesting Aspect Of How Memory Works

Do You Recall that Problem You Had?

The Memory that Always makes itself Known?

It Returns Again and Again.

You can Tell the Story like it happened Yesterday...

But You'd Rather Put it Behind You...

Except You Seem to Continue to be Hit Over the Head with the Memory.

Over and Over.

Every time the Memory Plays, the Emotions Hit You, as if it Happened Yesterday?

Well, there is an Interesting Aspect of how Memory Works.

The Truth Of These Memories

Usually, if we "Know" the Story like the Back of Our Hand...

But it Continues to Infiltrate Your Mind?

The Emotions Continue to Strike and Slam you?

The Problem You "Think" You Remember, May Not be the "Real" Problem.

See, when we Truly Process Emotions and Memories, they tend to Stop having the Same Impact.

When our Brain No Longer "Recognizes" a Problem, the Memory Stops making itself Known.

But, when we have "Not" Processed the True Problem...

Well, the Memory Remains and Makes Itself Known Until We Process the "Real" Problem.

Let me give you an Example...

The Situation Of My Senior Year Of High School Lacrosse

In My Senior Year of High School, I had a Terrible Lacrosse Coach.

I'm not the only one who thought this, I have had other Coaches, including Multiple Coaches in College, tell me how Terrible this Coach was.

In their words, this Coach "Burned the Lacrosse Program to the Ground."

Anyways, in my Senior Year, in order to Receive a "Letter" as a Varsity Player (A form of Recognition), I had to either play a Certain Amount of Minutes in the Regular Season, or I had to "Touch" the Field in the Post Season.

Well, the Coach Refused to Play Me the Entire Regular Season.

I Obediently and Loyally Stood on the Sideline the Entire Regular Season.

Thankfully my Junior Year JV Stats were So Good that I was Recruited to a NCAA D3 School based on my Previous Year.

However, this situation put me in a predicament...

If I wanted to Letter, I "Had" to Touch the Field during the Post Season.

Even if it was "Just" for a Second of Gameplay.

Literally.

The Last Chance

Well, we came to our Final Game.

Last Chance.

We Came to the Final Quarter.

Clock was Ticking Down.

We were also Losing "Horribly".

The Final Score was 17 - 4 (I actually had to look this up because I had forgotten).

So, you'd Imagine that a Good Coach would simply Put Everyone in so they could at least have an Opportunity to be on the Field.

Nope.

Like I said, Not a Great Coach.

Anyhow, the Clock was Ticking Down.

I was in Disbelief that this Coach was continuing to play the game "exactly" the same up to the very final seconds.

So, I made a decision to take things into my own hands.

I was going to letter.

Period.

So, I snuck up the Line.

Waited for someone to come off the field.

Then, I put myself in.

The Moment Of Impact

Now, we discussed the "Game Plan" going into this Game, so I "Knew" what was about to happen.

One of the players on the opposing team would Start their Play.

They would go in one of two directions.

If they went one way, as a defender, you would go with them.

If they went the other way, their team would set a "Pick" where one of their other players would "Block" you.

If the Second Option Happened, our Player was supposed to call out, "Pick".

This was a Warning so that you could "Avoid" the Pick and "Go Around".

Well, the Play Started.

I was the Defender.

I was Ready.

They went in the direction where the Pick was Supposed to Be.

I was Waiting to Hear from my Teammate the Keyword so I could Avoid the Pick.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Boom.

The Pick Happened.

My Teammate made No Indication when it was there.

It was in that Moment that...

I Knew.

The Coach was going to Yell at me.

The other team scored.

I went off the Field.

Indeed, the Coach Screamed his Lungs Out at me.

But at that Moment, I Did Not Care.

We were going to Lose.

We were not going to score 10 Points in the Final Minutes of the Game, especially with How the "Strategy" Remained Unchanged.

I Accomplished my Goal.

I Touched the Field.

I Only Needed that One Play.

I Lettered.

The Post Event

I had another Wonderful Coach come up to me after the game, Coach Hank who is an Amazing Human Being, to tell me that He Stood Up for Me against the Other Coach.

He Saw what happened.

He Noticed that No One Called out the Pick.

He Understood I was Not at Fault.

He “Told Off” the Other Coach for how they Acted.

Truly, Coach Hank gave me a lot of Hope after that.

It also Helped that I knew I was going to Go to College and Play Lacrosse already, so this was going to be a Minor Footnote in my Lacrosse Story.

I ended up Playing NCAA D3 Lacrosse, and was one of the Top All-Time Players at my University.

For many years since this event, that Memory of those Final Moments has Stuck in my Head.

For a Long Time, I thought that the Coach Yelling at me was the "Problem" of the Memory.

But here's the thing...

The “Real” Problem Within This Memory

I've been doing a lot of work around the Nervous System recently.

As I did an Exercise around this Memory today, I had a Realization.

The Coach was Never the Problem.

So, Why had "This" Specific Memory Stuck with me so much over the Years?

The Reason, it turns out, has Nothing to do with the Coach.

The Insight that I had was that I was Disappointed by my Teammate.

I Knew the Play.

I Knew what was Coming.

I was Prepared and Ready.

The "Only" thing I Needed was for my Teammate to Call Out that the Pick was Coming.

They Didn't.

What has made the Memory Stick was that My Teammate let me Down.

That was the Real Problem.

Interestingly, even though the Coach Yelled at me, the Memory of the Yelling has Deeply Faded Over the Years.

He's become Muted.

I Know "Somewhere" that Coach is Yelling and Screaming his Lungs Out.

But it is Not in My Memory.

I can't even tell you that Coach's Name today, let alone Recall what his Voice Sounded Like.

The only Reason that the Memory Stuck was because, Deep Down, I was Disappointed that my Teammate Did Not Do their Job.

They Let Me Down.

The Yelling was, literally, the "Loudest" thing, and perhaps what I had "Focused" on in the Moment.

But the Way Humans Encode Information is Not Always about what is Loudest or Most Noticeable.

The Core Of Our Being

It's Always about What is Important to You in the Core of Your Being.

For Me, I have Always been Focused on Being a Great Team Player.

I Always want to Know How I can be a Better Part of the Team.

It was Why I was Loyal and Dedicated to The Team, Despite Knowing that this Coach was Awful.

There is a Reason that in Nearly Every Sport that I've Played, I have been a Captain at Some Point in my Career.

I was Captain for my Junior Year of Lacrosse High School.

I was Captain during my College Lacrosse Career.

I was Captain when I ran Cross Country.

In my Work Career, I have Always Risen to Positions of Leadership as Well.

With my Clients Today, I see myself as a part of "Their" Team, helping them Win in their Careers.

Why?

I've "Always" been Focused on the Team.

In that Moment, Deep Down inside of me, what Bothered Me was not the Yelling.

It was the Silence.

Relooking At The Memory With The New Context

Even in "How" the Memory has been Encoded.

At the Moment of Silence, Time was Slowed Down.

The Feeling of the Impact from the Pick.

The Dread of Knowing that, even though I Knew I was Not at Fault, that I was going to get Yelled At.

It is "That" Moment which has been the Majority of the Memory.

The Moments before and after were just Flavor, Details of "Why" I was Disappointed in that Tiny Sliver of a Moment that was less than 5 Seconds.

Those 5 Seconds which Felt Like Forever.

The "Problem" I Remembered of being Yelled at was Never the Problem.

The "Real" Problem was Being Let Down at a Critical Moment.

The Importance Of The Nervous System

This is a Part of Why Nervous System Work can become so Important.

The Nervous System plays a Large Role in "How" We Encode Information.

When we are Unaware of what is Encoded, we become at the Mercy of the Nervous System and these "Secret" Triggers that Exist Subconsciously.

It is Why Working on our Mindset is Never Enough.

Our Mindset is, frequently, Hijacked by other Systems of our Psychophysiology.

Usually Complete Unaware to our Conscious Mind.

In order for us to Properly Direct Our Wayset, we Must Understand the Fullness of our Psychophysiology.

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So, Why is Memory So Important for Us?

What is the Reason we should even “Care” about Memories Coming Back like this?

Does it Really Matter?

The Past is in the Past…

Right?

Well, You’d be Completely Wrong.

For Peak Performance and Success, these types of Memories are “Extremely” Important.

The Reason?

Vicious Cycles and Energy (Mg-ATP).

Let’s Dive In…